At the end of June this summer, I had the opportunity to attend a fantastic Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) training session with John and Jamie Forsyth at Kripalu in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. As a lover of metaphors, I enjoyed imagining many ways to discuss thoughts and feelings and teach ways to deal with challenging emotions.
One metaphor I’ve been using widely since returning from this training is the visual of noticing that your challenging emotions are like a notebook. Imagine holding that notebook just a centimeter from your face. What is your perspective, and what do you see? Obviously, all you see is that notebook, representing your emotions, blocking your view and perspective. This illustrates how challenging emotions can obscure our view of other possibilities and make it difficult to envision and live our values. Now, imagine putting the notebook down. This simple act can widen your perspective beyond your emotions.
One example of this metaphor is a person who values social connection but fears rejection. This fear can affect their willingness to attend social gatherings and build new relationships. The fear of rejection can cause isolation and lower self-worth, making them think they are not enough. By imagining their fear of rejection as a notebook blocking their view, they can see how this fear obscures their ability to meet new people and join social gatherings.
Another example involves a person who values health and fitness but fears losing everything. Recently, I talked with someone who wanted to explore exercise in the community but was hesitant about paying for exercise classes with a reputable personal trainer. She acknowledged that her fear of losing everything held her back from spending money on an activity that could be rewarding and support her values of health, fitness, and social connection.
This experience is a valuable learning moment. This person discovered that by moving her fear to the side, she didn’t have to let go of it or change it completely. Instead, she could notice it and still make decisions aligned with her values. It’s a powerful reminder that our fears or other challenging emotions don’t have to control our choices. When we can name our emotions, we create awareness of them and can accept them for what they are. This awareness helps us move forward by making a commitment to living our values.
I invite you to reflect on your own life. What fears are acting as fog on your journey? How might these fears cloud your view of opportunities? Consider how setting these fears aside could help you see new possibilities and live a life guided by your values.
Here are a few steps to help you clear the fog and move forward:
1. Name Your Fear: Identify and acknowledge your fear.
Take a moment and reflect on what you are feeling. What specific fear or emotion is coming up for you? By naming it—whether it’s fear of failure, rejection, or loss—you begin to take its power away. Acknowledging your fear is the first step in understanding its impact on your life.
2. Set it Aside: Use mindfulness techniques to mentally set your fear aside.
Once you’ve identified your fear, imagine placing it to the side. You don’t have to get rid of it; just set it aside momentarily. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or visualization, can help create this mental space. For example, during a meditation, you can visualize placing your fear on a cloud and watching it float away, giving you a clearer view of your thoughts and feelings.
3. Focus on Values: Reconnect with your core values and let them guide your decisions.
Reflect on what truly matters to you—your core values. These might include health, family, personal growth, or community. Write them down and consider how your actions can align with these values. When faced with a decision, ask yourself, “Does this action support my values?” By focusing on your values, you can make meaningful and fulfilling choices, even in the presence of fear.
If you want to explore your values more deeply, the Life Ideals program includes a value-sort exercise designed to help you identify and prioritize your core values. This tool can be incredibly helpful in guiding your decisions and actions towards a more value-aligned life.
Remember, our fears don’t have to control our choices. By creating awareness and accepting our emotions, we can commit to living our values and move forward with clarity and purpose.
What’s keeping you from living a value-guided life? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. If you need support on your journey, don’t hesitate to reach out.
